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Everything I ever thought about life is pretty much a lie now I've had to re-evaluate how I look at life and how I take everything in how I see everything how I feel everything how I take each moment and look at it completely different than  I used to we all went thru our partying stage our first loves and so on but now I'm 28 years old and I feel like I'm starting all over I have no idea what I'm doing and I have no idea how to feel some of the times I feel like I got a little bit of clarity on how life is really supposed to be and what this is all for I do believe in a God and I feel that my religious views have gotten stronger ever since I got pregnant and so maybe that was gods plan altogether was to bring me closer to him but at the same time someone asked me why do you Believe in something you can't see you can't feel and you don't know is actually there how can you believe in something like that how can you put all your faith into something that it isn't in front of you my answer I don't know I just do I mean I could give you the typical answer from a Christian and say that he's everywhere because I do believe he is everywhere I mean look at the world but trying to understand why all these bad things happen makes you question what he's doing and why he's doing the things hes doing but I keep believing that there's a bigger picture that this is just a small little bump in something so much bigger that I just got to get through this Heck maybe life is just the beginning and then once you die that's when you really start living I guess that's kind of hypocritical though because you should be able to live your life right? I don't know I like to believe my dad is in this amazing place where he's happy all the time and I believe that he gets to look down and see me and my mom and my daughter and my sister living life and he just can't wait to see us I like to believe that God looking down on Harlow and holding her hand every time she has a seizure I like to believe that something is bigger than all of this and it's all gonna make sense one day but if I didn't believe in those things and if I didn't believe in a God or a higher power than what is the point of all of this what is the point of going through this to one day just die and be done?It doesn't make any sense to me I know people have proven both sides or at least they think they have that there is or is not a God and I also know it's like the number one thing besides politics that you don't talk about unless your sure that someone is on the same page with you but to me I feel like everyone is responsible for their own life and they should be able to believe in whatever they want to believe in and not to judge people if someone told me I don't believe in a god my answer would be OK if someone told me they do believe in a god my answer would be OK everyone is entitled to their own life their own decisions their own beliefs so who the hell am I to judge so I hope I didn't make anybody mad with this post if I did I apologize just my ramblings something to make me feel better because at this point I don't really have much to make me feel better specially when Harlow's having back to back Seizures and as tight as I hold her and as much as I cry and pray for them to stop they keep coming so technically I have every right to not believe in a God but for some reason I still do and I think that's the bigger picture having faith when there's no more room to have faith so who knows I'm still hoping for that day to come that all of this makes sense until then I'm going to keep praying I'm gonna keep my faith and I'm gonna keep loving my daughter because that's all I can do