So the last couple of days have been pretty hard. I'm not gunna lie. Between Harlows stomach and her spazzums it's been hard on her which means it's hard on us . Like I've said before comparing is the worst thing I can do but some times it's been hard not to harlow is going to be 6 months on the 22nd and it's extremely cLear that she is behind and not by a little.. I thought things would at least progress slowly but they arnt progressing much at all her stomach isn't helping matters at all . There is so many emotions I get when I really think about things it's like going down this rabbit hole I know I shouldn't but sometimes it's hard not to. When the drs told me she would stop developing mentally at 3 months I basically told them they are wrong but unfortunately they are leaning to right in this case it scares the living shit out of me that she won't progress I know it's all going to take time and she could surprise us all and it's what I hope and pray for but sometimes I have to be realistic in things because it's life and it could not happen and if that's the case I need to be ready for that too. I wonder often why me I tell my self god gave me her for a reason she picked me for a reason but sometimes I wonder ok if there isn't a god and there isn't a higher power and this is it then how is this fair? How is it we struggle by in life while others have it so easy why did we get a baby with problems while others could careless get their kids are fine it's hard not to think that way sometimes it's human nature to wonder why trying not to beat my self up over it is hard to because no body wants this life I don't care what anyone says no one wants to see their child struggle but there is people out there like us who will do what ever it takes most people seem to have this mentality which is nice to see I just hope I'll be able to adopt and get to experience both sides of being a parent to harlow and to a child who isn't going to have to struggle I know this sounds sorta mean but it is what it is there's no beating around the bush :/ not ever being able to be pregnant again I'm having a really hard time with because again it's something that was taken from me and I had no choice in the matter .. but at the end of every day would I change anything would I abort her would I start over would I put her up for adoption .. no is it because I don't want to feel guilty? No it's because I still have faith in all of this I have my doubts as everyone dose but I have faith that this will all make sense to me one day..