We are here to spread love and awareness and to teach that being special needs is nothing to be sorry about



Thank goodness we have had a break from the Drs appointments they were draining...

She has a couple coming up and right now its just the waiting period for her mainly to see how she is progressing pretty much as of now she's a normal new born weight, feeding, sleeping ect. Her eye sight is the only thing they actually have proof of that isn't like a regular new born. Were still waiting on the appointment for her 24 EEG to see if she is having seizures and her hearing isn't until dec 5th. She hasn't been doing that twitching thing as much lately so its been a relief but were still on edge about it. We try our best to let things be and when she does things just take a deep breath and hope that its normal baby stuff it would have been easier if she wasn't our first kid so we knew what was ok and what isn't lol. She however today put her hand on her bottle grabbed It and pushed it away when she was done I was like I'm pretty sure ur only 4 weeks old kid..

We got a call from the institute in Pennsylvania saying we can take the week long course in April to help her stimulate better and help us learn about her possible disabilities and how to help her have a better quality of life. It is pricy tho so at least we will have time to save hopefully.

Enzo (her fur brother) has been so good with her it is crazy how much dogs can sense he won't jump on our bed if he knows she's in the room he's scared to disrupt her or jump on her but we pick him up and he goes and licks her head then lays right next to her all night long when she wakes up he wakes up its really cute.

We did family photos yesterday and I cant wait to see them along with her new born photos safe to say this kid will have 5 baby photo books just in her first year.

As for me and bobby were adjusting to our new normal its calmed down a lot and it helps that she isn't acting out of the normal she sleeps thru the night most nights if not then she will get up maybe once at like 3 to eat but then go back to sleep right after she still doesn't cry she whimpers and whines again not complaining! She thank god isn't backed up anymore thank youuuuuu prune juice! But it is hard to figure out what she wants because she doesn't have a cry for different things so its again a learning experience and most things are timed if its 3 hours its she's hungry if its random its a diaper if its someone holding her on their shoulder its because she hates to be held that way... So yes she royally hates tummy time... sorry littles its mandatory

My postpartum has turned a corner it comes and goes when it pleases some days are great others I'm on edge others I'm crying for no apparent reason. I know its getting better but I'm so scared somethings going to happen with her and throw me all the way back to the beginning so I just keep praying that I'm able to continue to get better and not go back wards because I neverrrrr want to have that feeling of paranoia and fear again in my life id give birth 20 times over feeling like that again.

Latly I've felt very blessed and not like in that way people post because of a material object (no offense I'm guilty of it in the past) but my life is by no means perfect we live at my moms ( not complaining) but we were in the process of saving to buy a house before all this happened and we were getting pretty close to being ready but now with everything thats going on with Harlow theres no way we can afford it right now which at first I was really upset about because were married with a baby and we should be able to have our own home but life happens and its not that we mind living with my mom heck we got a builtin nanny, we make a great team between the 3 of us its been nice having her help and I don't have to freak about her living alone since my dad passed but still everyone wants to buy their first home just one more thing we have had to readjust and put it in the one day pile. The other reason I've been feeling very blessed is my family on both my side and Bobbys its brought us closer and it makes me feel so loved and harlow has such a amazing support system behind her I love how no one looks at her as a "disabled" baby they just look at her with nothing but love. The friends I have in my life I couldn't be more grateful for they have been checking in on us and always being shoulders to lean on when I need and that means the most its true what they say you see your true friends when you get married and when you have a baby I've done both now and have filtered thru all the ones who don't care about us and the ones who do and I can honestly say I feel very lucky. I feel I also have a new relationship with god which anyone who knows me knows I've always had one just never been very proactive about it and had my ups and downs I've had a lot of people die in my life and I'm only 28 years old I've been thru hell and back with some things in life battled a lot of demons but I finally feel I'm in a good place with me and the man upstairs I finally had to give up on trusting Drs and had to trust that god has a bigger plan and give it to him.

Lastly I've had to readjust my perspective on life and what matters and what doesn't this doesn't mean I don't care about the things I used to but it means I have to see whats important and whats not " don't sweat the small stuff" as my mom would say, I try to remain as positive as possible and everyone says how im strong and all that and I appreciate it more then you all will know but I don't feel it I feel like I'm barely hanging on but its nice to know others just give me more credit then I give my self. Working on my new normal and adjusting to our new life as parents hasn't been easy in our situation but Harlow is the most amazing little girl and I couldn't imagine my life with out her now.

So thats all for now

Night guys!